Heart attack inducing goodness.

Heart attack inducing goodness.

Bacon Mayonnaise

There are two food items of notoriety that are as delicious as they are artery clogging. At the top of the list, standing unchallenged in its cholesterol superiority, is of course, bacon. The runner-up is everyone’s favorite dressing, mayonnaise. Alone, each of these is delicious. Together, they are a flavor orgasm of the highest caliber. So it’s only natural to combine them into one super condiment.

Yes this is in the sides category. No that is not a mistake. And, yes, I eat this on its own. With a spoon.


  • One egg yolk*
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
  • Pinch of sugar
  • 2 teaspoons lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon white vinegar
  • 1 cup corn oil
  • 1 drop bacon grease
  • 1 strip cooked bacon


  1. Whisk dry ingredients and egg yolk together. In a separate bowl, combine vinegar and lemon juice, then whisk half of the combined mixture with the egg yolk.
  2. Add JUST ONE drop of bacon grease to the egg yolk mixture and whisk until well incorporated. Then, starting with a drop at a time, slowly add corn oil while continuing to whisk. Eventually, the mixture will lighten and thicken considerably, and it’s safe to add the oil at a thin, steady stream. Once half of oil is whisked with the egg yolk, whisk in the rest of the lemon juice/vinegar mixture, followed by the remainder of the oil, making sure to whisk until all the ingredients are incorporated.
  3. Make sure to pat bacon dry. Any additional bacon grease wouldn’t incorporate well with the mayo and would change it’s consistency. Crumble bacon into small bits and mix well with mayo.
  4. Cover with plastic wrap and let sit at room temperature for an hour. Enjoy it on sandwiches, crackers, or with a spoon. Experience feeling of elation bordering on orgasm. Do not share.
  5. Has a refrigerator life of up to one week.

Easy Mode: Buy a jar of mayo. Add crumbled bacon bits. Still do not share.
*as with any dish that uses raw egg yolk, there is a small risk of salmonella. Make sure to only use pasteurized eggs.

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